All this while I’ve been living in the past.
I figured this out a few days after I’d met with a couple of old school friends and saw just how much they had changed. They had become very mature and grown-up about almost everything and their opinions had changed about a lot of things too. Even things we used to talk about and used to agree on. I was so surprised. But the worst was when they berated me the silliest things that we would have laughed and joked carelessly about in school. That’s when I knew that I would have no place among that group of friends ever again. They had changed too much but I haven’t.
Sure, I haven’t changed in a major way; I too had blossomed into a person a little bit more mature in a wise-about-the-world kind of way. But them, they were so different from the people they had been before. They acted as if they were 40-year olds married with three kids, a mortgage, a ton of housework to do while being the star breadwinner of the house. I mean, come on! They were only 22 years old! We are still very much young with our whole lives ahead of us. We could afford to goof off once in a while with our friends. But they had come to take life so much more seriously than I ever did. And I take life VERY seriously. I almost ended it all for myself more than a couple times because of that.
The worst thing is that I know I’ll never be able to look at them in the same light again. I’ll never be able to talk to them about the same goofy things we did back in school. They are so different that I wouldn’t have recognised them if they didn’t look almost the same as they did in school. Guess life had gotten to them too.
But I don’t get it. I haven’t changed drastically. Maybe in a few vital aspects, I have changed a bit. And I like to think that I have grown a wee bit wiser over the years. But to change so much that an old friend couldn’t pick you out of a line-up? That’s too much change for three years in my book.
Maybe something is wrong with me for not changing so much. After all, three years ‘is’ a pretty long time and life is such a bitch. All the same, I have decided not to hang out too much with them again. Having friends is overrated. It didn’t really make my life so much better before and that will probably never change. So I guess my family was wrong; you don’t need friends, especially if you don’t even know who they are any more. The sad thing is that they’ve changed so much that there seems to be nothing in common between us. Also, it hurts to see your old friends disappear. Although they are still alive and well, I feel like my old friends have died and been replaced with some kind of alien.
I wish I could have everyone’s dream friends as my friends, you know, the cast of ‘Friends’. But that’s probably never going to happen, considering that a) they are fiction and b) I’m not a very social, outgoing and good-at-keeping-friends sort of person.
So, adios friends! You are the only friends I ever had and probably the only ones I will ever have. I’m sad that our time together is over because Life had to come along and mess you up.
Love, Your Fussy and Immature Former Friend