Things My Cats Do that Make Me Laugh

  1. Suddenly waking up from a deep sleep and staring at me all bleary-eyed.
  2. Suddenly waking up from a deep sleep and staring at nothing at all.
  3. Looking for the new poops after I’ve cleared out the litter box.
  4. Continuing to sleep on the roof or bonnet of the car while we get in it and drive out of the garage.
  5. Staring suspiciously at the A/C unit the moment it is switched off.
  6. Running over to stand under the A/C unit and to stare at it suspiciously.
  7. Trying to jump and reach the clothes hanging behind the door even when the clothes are five feet away from the ground.
  8. Trying to jump and reach said clothes and getting the claws stuck on the clothes and hanging there like a little monkey.
  9. Standing by the food bowl and meow and then walk away when I fill the bowl with food.
  10. Wiggling his little butt and hunting some random object, only to get to the spot and forget why he ran over there in the first place.
  11. Standing and balancing on hind legs to stare at literally nothing.
  12. Falling deeply asleep with the head hanging off the bed or the couch.
  13. Rolling around while sleeping and falling off the bed.
  14. Climbing my pillows to look out the window, lose balance and fall onto the bed.
  15. Having an ongoing war with my hand sanitiser bottle on my bedside table.
  16. Looking like a neckless, fat, furry grey pig-cat when he is recoiling at the smell of my hand sanitiser.
  17. Having an ongoing and never-ending battle with own tail, trying to catch it and bite it for at least fifteen minutes straight.
  18. Turning around to stand with their little stinky butts right in my face when they want to cuddle.
  19. Looking eternally surprised even when I said ‘boo!’ in her face three hundred times in the last five minutes.
  20. Stopping everything, even eating, to investigate the contents of my bedside drawers and trying to climb in.
  21. Snuggling with my freshly done laundry.
  22. Sitting on my laptop while I’m working and typing a bunch of nonsense into my essays.
  23. Sitting on my books while I’m reading them.
  24. Sitting on my phone and immediately falling into a deep sleep the moment I set my phone on the bed and look away for .02 seconds.
  25. Staring at me in the mirror while pooping and peeing.
  26. Stopping pooping or peeing if he catches me looking at him in the mirror.
  27. Sitting outside my bathroom door and waiting for me no matter if I’ve been in there for forty minutes or for forty seconds.
  28. Staring at the water and foamy bubbles making their way to the drains in the bathroom when the shower is on.
  29. Wanting to lick the coloured pages of my colouring books.
  30. Rolling everything off any surface that is off the ground and rolling it under the bed, forever forgotten from then onwards.
  31. Systematically removing all of my glow-in-the-dark stickers so that I’m left with dinosaurs with only half a head and lampposts with no lamps and only the posts.
  32. Dragging all the removed glow-in-the-dark stickers all over the room and depositing them in strange places like on my door- and bathmats, my bedding, the bedroom and bathroom floors and inside my shoes.
  33. Wanting to sniff and then lick whatever I apply on my skin.
  34. Climbing into my wardrobe and refusing to come out anytime I open it to find something to wear.
  35. Jumping from one shelf to another and hiding behind and burrowing in my clothes once inside my wardrobe.
  36. Trying to open the bathroom door by leaping at the doorknob.
  37. Wanting to sniff and taste everything I eat or drink.
  38. Being a big fan of cheese, cheese pizza, tomato sauce and scrambled eggs.
  39. Walking all over my body when bored and standing on my chest for about two minutes staring into nothing, looking pensive.
  40. Battling with any cord he comes across, destroying my earphones and dropping my currently-charging phone on the floor at least six thousand times in one hour.



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